wakey wakey hands off snakey
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
