Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Text me some of your sweat
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
