Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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