Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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