what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
