I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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