My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
