pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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