His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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