I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
