His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
