Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
