She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
