I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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