the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
cat food counts as protein by the way
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
