you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
