In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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