my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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