you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
