So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
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Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
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I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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