At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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