A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
