What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
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So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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