On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
