I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
