I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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