his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
