Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This is the high leading the old right now
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
