The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
