you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
