This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
