Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
