farters have to be the big spoon...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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