you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
