...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
