her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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