just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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