i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
