Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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