I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
