he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
