Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Two words: nipple clamps
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