dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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