you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
