Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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