Too much gin, very little bucket
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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