I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
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She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
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New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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