I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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