You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
