Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The best revenge is premature balding
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
