respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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