why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
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I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
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