WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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