my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
