I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I had to cum in my sink.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
