I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
