Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
