how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
